Astral Leauge
The Astral Leauge {sic} has been called, to some effect, a dubious cosmic cult, hyped in mystery and invented by a secret cabal in 1976 for the benefit of Leeds Group fan D. West, who may or may not be responsible. All rituals, initiations and hymns are strictly optional, the central dogma being that neophytes must give 50p to D. West.
Manifesting largely through anonymous fliers with a syntax all their own, The Leauge exerts a vast yet mythical influence over practically everything. Catchphrases include "Donot impinge copyright or THE ASTRAL LEAUGE WILL TAKE MEASURES."
Of the Astral Pole initiations, it is probably wisest not to speak at all –- but, then, when were fans ever wise? Comments have ranged from "They're probably doing it in trendy bondage clubs all over London without realizing where it came from." to "They're doing it all wrong –- they're not charging 50p!"
Performances of Astral Leauge hymns have been known to cause hardened filk-singers to reel away, shaken to their very bowels.
Connected to the Jacqueline Lichtenberg Appreciation Society.
See also: The Astral Leauge Dossier (2019 ebook).
Astral Pole[edit]
A contortion done as an initiation rite of the Astral Leauge. Chapter 4 of Dave Langford's The Transatlantic Hearing Aid offers the following description:
Take a five-foot broompole. Take several drinks. Stand. Hold the pole horizontally before you, in both hands -- hands a couple of feet apart, palms up, fingers curled round pole. The hands may optionally slide along the pole, but the grip must not alter throughout the ceremony. Lower the still-horizontal pole and step first with one foot and then with the other over the section of pole between your hands. The pole is now behind you: maintaining the grip, bring it back over your head until you are again holding it horizontally before you (though with uncomfortably twisted wrists, as you will find). This was the easy part. Now raise your right leg -- 'left' and 'right' may be exchanged throughout the following if desired -- and manoeuvre the right foot around the right-hand side of your right arm and back over the pole towards you. You should now feel less than comfortable. It only remains to duck your head under the pole and -- still without releasing your deathlike grip on it -- continue the motion so that your torso follows your head, and your whole right leg follows your right foot, through the 'hoop' defined by arms and pole. In the penultimate position you find yourself standing shakily with the still-gripped pole passing between your legs. A backwards step with the left leg over the pole returns you to square one in a glow of triumph, fulfilment and Astral Mastery. Have another drink and spend four days in traction.
See also Knurdling.
The Astral Leauge Year Book[edit]
A one-shot, 28-page fanzine published in 1977 in the UK by Graham Charnock and containing various teachings of the Astral Leauge, including amazing scientific revelations and a track-by-track description of the first Leauge music cassette, The Astral Leauge's Golden Greats (1977). The only credited contributor is Chris Priest (with "Static Gravity -- The Threat to the World", later expanded for Omni). Anonymous contributors include Graham Charnock and Chris Evans.
The full text of the Yearbook is included in The Astral Leauge Dossier (2019 ebook).
BOAK[edit]
A theological term of the Astral Leauge, it is an acronym for Bearer Of All Knowledge. However, see A. Graham Boak.
| Club | 1976—???? |
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