Bouncing Potatoes

Filk inspired by the…memorable…hotel at Westercon 19 in 1966.

Bouncing Potatoes
Words: Poul Anderson
Music: "Waltzing Matilda"

Once a jolly trufan went to join a Westercon;
He had duly registered and paid every fee,
And he sang when he saw what the waitress put before him there,
"You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."

Chorus: "Bouncing potatoes, bouncing potatoes,
You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."
And he sang when he saw what the waitress put before him there,
"You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."

"Is this a musketball that was fired at Lexington?"
"No," said the waitress, "that is a pea."
"But," said the fan, "that is here within my coffee cup—
"You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."

{chorus}

"What is this piece of gray-green greasy Limpopo,
All set about with a strange fever tree?"
"That," said the waitress, "is roast beef and salad too."
"You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."

{chorus}

"Is this a hippie-type that I see before me here?
It is as unshaven as hairy can be."
"No," said the waitress, "that is your ice cream dessert—
"You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."

{chorus}

Upchucked the trufan, leaped into the swimming pool.
"You'll never take me alive!" cried he.
But his ghost can be heard by the call-girls at that swimming pool:
"You'll come a-bouncing, potatoes, with me."

{chorus}